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While standing in a swimming pool in Brooklyn, many thoughts came to mind. "Why am I doing this? What will happen to me when I come out of the water? Will this baptism thing change me? This is not for me. This is for weak people. I mean, accepting Jesus seemed like a good deal, say a couple of words about believing and get blessed, blessed, blessed". But the more Pastor Vince Fusco spoke about the new life, the uneasier I became. My stomach did flips when he spoke of following Jesus, sacrifice and denying myself. Growing up Jewish with a fiery Italian Protestant mom was a bit confusing as it ushered in an Agnostic Theology that was now being challenged. It was 1984; I was a 25-year-old guy who had it all. My worldly measuring stick yielded a pretty cool lifestyle. Owning two thriving businesses provided nice toys, recognition, as well as an ego that was a bit larger than the pool I was in. I had the "Good Life". Little did I know that what was about to transpire over the next 24 hours would alter the course of my entire life. That evening, feeling pretty good about my life and my new alliance with God, I made a vow taken from the secular success book, "Think and Grow Rich". I said, "What ever my mind can conceive and believe it can achieve with Jesus ready to give me all my desires. I am just too strong for the Devil. My mind is too quick for him". What happened next is something that I have just started sharing this past year. I will try to describe in words what immediately took place in my bedroom that evening. Following my self-powered vow I felt incredibly uneasy. Then like a rushing wind, my mind became flooded with irrational thoughts. They seemed to be coming by the second. As one left, another was there to replace it. Ridiculous thoughts of the most bizarre fears started to bombard my mind. After many fruitless attempts to regain some sanity, I immediately pulled out my Jesus of Nazareth video and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black scotch. (Talk about a rookie Christian!) I finished both by 5AM as I fell down to sleep. I opened up one eye the next morning like a person does when they are afraid to look at something they rather not see. Just as I opened my second eye the thoughts started to flow again. The very thing that was the foundation to my money, success and identity was now gone. I thought I lost my mind. My ability to concentrate was replaced with 24 hour a day anxiety and confusion. This "Thorn in my Flesh" would torment me for years to come even though there was much prayer, healing services, counsel, and doctors. Life was one horrific day after another. There seemed to be no answer or cure to this mental disease. Everything in life changed. Business speaking engagements would have me curled up like a ball in a hotel bed one minute, then on stage speaking to groups the next. I would have paid anything to stop the pain. At times it was so unbearable that I wanted to give up. The one hope that remained throughout the whole ordeal was this; if I was going to be cured, the answer would lie in the same place this began, seeking God. I figured the place to start would be the Bible as I searched for answers like a man on a mission. While reading the Bible one day I became engrossed and then somewhat confused over the Apostle Paul's request for God to remove his "thorn in the flesh". Here was God's main guy asking for help and the Lord answered; "My grace is sufficient for you". I thought, "come on God give him a break, the boy is doing your work and needs healing and that's what you say to him?" As days turned into years my problem remained. All I could do was wait on God as every other option failed. It was then in prayer that the Lord first impressed upon me something that was always on my heart to do. It repeated over and over again in my mind, only these words had a peace to them with no rush. He simply said, "Pull some guys together to study the Bible" It sounded a bit radical not being a church leader, but I decided to speak with some of my business partners about it. One of the businesses was high profile where image was vital, so I knew there would be concern with the "Jesus Freak" label I was about to put on. Fearing what others would think brought compromise as I put off what I now know God wanted year after year. Obedience Leads to Healing: 1995 It was now 1995, 10 years after my first attack. Torment was a constant companion as the thorn remained in my mind. Unwilling to compromise any longer, I asked the advice and counsel of a fellow friend and brother regarding a businessman's Bible study in my basement. He said to do it and I did. To my surprise 11 friends came to hear what the Bible had to say about life's tough questions. Not having a clue of where to start we prayed and ask God to lead. I had my new Bible opened to the very verse I had so longed to understand; Paul's Thorn" As I shared my confusion over this verse, I felt that unexplainable anxiety ridden feeling well up inside me again. I regained my composure and then read 2 Corinthians 12:9 out loud asking if anyone could explain what it meant. The God who Heals A silence then took hold of the room. It was like time was standing still. Nobody moved or spoke. A thought that spoke louder than any voice I ever heard said, "My grace IS sufficient for you, for out of your weakness you will now know my love for you, you will know my desire to have relationship with you, you will know that I desire to give you all that Jesus said is for you. I am for you!" Ten years of tears seemed to flow all at once, as I knew the God of the Bible just spoke to my heart. I realized that my mind was clear. The mental haze that was constantly with me had left. But above all else I knew that I had just been healed! How did I know? I wasn't afraid anymore! Praise God! His Grace was sufficient to heal me and "God was 4 me." I was overwhelmed with joy. I was healed within the first ten minutes of our first Bible Study. The Birth of God4me.com's Resource Ministry The next week I went to a bookstore to buy every guy in the study the Bible I had. It was at this time that I realized that Salvation was free, but renewing your mind was expensive. Being half Jewish brought a wonderful habit of wanting to buy everything at wholesale prices, even Bibles. At this time the NY Bible Society was selling off their remaining inventory due to fiscal demands. We decided to buy it so the men could have resources for families. With the excess in resources, Mike and Anne Modica started giving away or selling them in churches for what it cost us. This grew to be the Church Affiliate Program that today boasts hundreds of participating churches that earn money. The response was not only incredible, but we saw people getting blessed by God's word. God's idea for the distribution of Bibles, Books and Music at wholesale prices eventually would give birth to what is now God4me.com. The wholesale website that was built by a volunteer staff lead by Mr. Bill White, had over 5 Million hits last year alone. The Birth of God4me Men's Ministry God was not finished as that day was just the beginning. We found out that He intended for us to weave our lives together. The Bible calls this fellowship. Fellowship is experiencing life together. With our guys, we heard each other's stories. We discovered each other's strengths and weaknesses. We learned to walk with God together. We prayed for each other, we cover each other's backs. This small core fellowship is the essential ingredient for the Christian life. Jesus modeled it for us with the twelve. He lived in a little platoon, a small group of friends and allies. Our successful fellowship made us want to share it with other guys. We went to the Lord and set some God-sized goals for meeting with larger groups of guys. To start, eleven of us agreed to go to Nassau Coliseum and get on our knees before God and ask Him to fill the place with Men for His Glory. Within 6 months we met with 250 guys, 18 months 900, then in three years God sent a little fewer than 2000 guys. At that time the Founder of Promise Keepers Bill McCartney (pictured) agreed to mentor us as did the late Dr. Edwin Louis Cole. Breaking away from the larger events to smaller workshops was a natural for us as God's calling always involved the discipleship of Men at the grass roots level. The beginning ministry years proved to be very fruitful as we boldly went to the Lord asking for 100,000 men to disciple through a local church based system. As the Spring of 2004 came upon us, Promise Keepers, the National Men's Ministry, flew to New York to ask if God4me would partner with them for a large event in the Tri-State area. We agreed with one condition; support and promote a discipleship program that the local church can grow with our support as well as commit to one of the New York arenas that holds 15,000 guys. Promise Keepers not only agreed, but came back the next month to reserve Nassau Coliseum for September 16th -17th, 2005. A pre-event and post-event partnership for Men's discipleship between PK and God4me was signed shortly after. It is entitled "Invasion 2005". Back in my office as I was thanking God for His incredible faithfulness, I came across some old photos. I let out a shout to Him and said, "Lord, now your bragging." The photos I held in my hand were the ones we took 10 years ago outside Nassau Coliseum as 11 men asked God for something that would require a miracle. September 16th, 2005 is the answer to that Miracle. It has been said that God does not call the qualified, but qualifies the called. Right before my eyes, He turned a trail of trials into a Testimony of Triumph. The Lord was not slack in His promise. His delay in my healing was not His denial as His way was perfect. It took years for me to get in line with God. Years of compromise brought pain and frustration while in the wilderness, yet one simple act of obedience opened Heaven's Gate to the "Great life in Christ." Today the battle looms as my questions of why are often diluted by His grace. I still deal with tough questions, throw-in-the- towel questions, ones the disciples must have asked. They are much easier to handle these days as wingmen like Bill White and Mike Modica act as everyday arrows to Christ-centered solutions. In this time of spiritual war, I may not have all the answers, but my surrender is in the One who does, as I find His strength through my weakness. Paul etched this truth in the Bible, which changed my life as He healed my thorn in the flesh. God's answer to all our thorns, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2Corithians 12:9 Satan calls these fleeing words. I call them "Take your breath away scripture!" God calls it the abundant life. God4me Men's Network is a National alliance of Churches and Men's groups systematically training and assisting men in their pursuit of significance and purpose. "Discipleship Boot camps" are forums to provide encouragement, instruction and fellowship for the transformed man. Anointed speakers help men replace the lies of the world with Biblical truth. Upbeat and practical topics such as "Brainwashed", "A Man's Wild Heart", "The Purpose-Driven Man", and "As a Man Thinketh" are presented in a user friendly environment where men are free to "hear and respond". Movie clips and skits are used expressing the practicality of the topics. Food is served for time in fellowship, and short interactive workshops create a dynamic effective arena for change in men. Please visit Invasion for up to date information on events. Additional Information: God4Me Articles Please Visit: God4Me.com |
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